I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
