then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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