It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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