and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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