Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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