i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
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Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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