you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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