God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
