my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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