I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
