I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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