also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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