If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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