lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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