would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
