My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
