end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
