i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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