A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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