Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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