i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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