if only i could text you this smell
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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