Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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