Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
