I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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