I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
