I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
