Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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