brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
