Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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