i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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