I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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