Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
