I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
