I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm like, not good at living.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
