I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
