nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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