it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i barfeds in our rink
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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