What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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