i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
