WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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