So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
