Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
