Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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