How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
