i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
