you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
