no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
