I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
