dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
