apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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