I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
