You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
