so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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