I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
