she was so not down for the gang bang
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
