He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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