She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
