i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You took a bar mat shot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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