That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize