omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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