I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
