Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
