Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
